


Bad Q Rising

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation, The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, Episode: s02e09 Galileo, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-05-26
Updated: 2001-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-15 08:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14786576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Al Kiefer -- is he just the guy who gets cigarettes for satan or is he really -- Q of Star Trek fame?





	1. Bad Q Rising

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Title: Bad Q Rising  
Author: Bramble  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoilers: The War at Home, 20 Hours in LA, Galileo, Star Trek - The Next Generation: Q-Pid, Deja-Q, and small references to Quantum Leap and Cheers  
Category: J/D TWW/St:TNG Crossover Spoof  
Summary: Al Kiefer -- is he just the guy who gets cigarettes for satan or is he really -- Q of Star Trek fame?

LAST NIGHT:

Silently, a figure materializes through the hard plane of the wall. First a head, then shoulders to reveal a familiar torso monitoring the scene before him curiously.

Two men and two women surround a table talking softly, the blonde woman indicating that she's leaving due to the late hour. There's something in the way the one man watches her, with a longing and an undercurrent of need that captures the invading watcher's attention.

"Are you okay getting home?" the man asks, staring at the young woman intently, all but ignoring the room's other two occupants.

"Yeah," she answers with a smile that she holds a little too long, a little too warmly, before heading out through the door.

Josh then turns his attention back to Joey and Kenny as the extra set of eyes continue to roam about the room, taking it all in.

Al Kiefer's head begins to withdraw from the wall a few minutes later, as he mutters "interesting," before disappearing all together.

***

THE NEXT MORNING:

"So, Josh, what are you saying?" The president asks, taking a sip of coffee that he hopes will help wake him up and allow him to focus on the senior staff meeting after only three hours of sleep the night before.

"Well, I'm saying we need to dial it..."

Just then a blinding, white light floods the room. CJ brings her hands to her eyes in a protective movement, while Sam lets out a little yelp of surprise.

"What the hell?"

"Ahhh, Mon Presidente," the new guest says by way of introduction.

"Leo, why is Al Kiefer in my oval office?"

"I have no idea, Mr. President," Leo McGarry answers, disbelief clouding his face.

"And how did...I mean, he just kind of appeared. That's not normal, is it?" Sam asks, pulling a little closer to CJ on the couch.

"No, it's not," agrees Toby. "So, tell me Al, you really are associated with satan, aren't you?"

"Toby, always such a curmudgeonly wit about you." Q states, shaking his head in an amused fashion. "I am more powerful than you will ever be and I can not tell you how sick I am of dealing with you insignificant...humans," he spits out with an obvious distaste.

"What do you want...Q?"

Al Kiefer/Q turns his attention back to President Bartlet.

"Mon Presidente, you know of me?"

"I've read of you. There are ancient Latin texts that speak of an omnipotent being named Q. I always thought it was just a legend, a whimsical folk tale, but it seems that in Yemen, many thousands of years ago..."

"I can assure you there is nothing whimsical about me," Q interrupts, before the President can continue vocalizing his train of thought.

"So, wait a minute," Leo interrupts. "Your name is Q now? Margaret!" He yells, turning towards the door.

"Q. Kieffer?" asks CJ, making notes in the pad of paper in her lap. "What does the Q stand for?"

He sighs loudly before answering. "Q, just Q. I am part of the Continuum, well, I was until they kicked me out and made me human."

"And you became Al Kiefer -- disliked, democratic pollster from California," the President answers.

"Yes, in this human form," he pauses to reflect. "Well, for a brief time in the mid-80's I was known as Eugene Bradford. I lived in a little town called Salem with my girlfriend/then wife Calliope...we had this...quirky thing going," he pauses to look at Josh strangely, before continuing. "But now that I have my powers back, none of that matters anymore. I just need to tie up a few loose ends here and then I'm off to call on some old friends throughout the galaxy."

"Okay wait, so which is it? Al Kiefer or this Eugene Bradford guy?" CJ asks, before scribbling something out on her notepad. "Eugene Q. Kiefer, maybe?" She guesses. "What? I have a press briefing in an hour, I'm going to have to know this."

"Ah, my dear press secretary, there will be no briefing for you."

"I don't care who the hell you are, I want to know what you're doing here," Leo demands, striding towards Q, in a few quick paces.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, not so fast, Number One..."

"Look at my face," Leo responds, giving Q an icy glare of resolve.

"Wait a minute," interrupts Josh, "did you just call him Number One?"

"Yes," answers Q, turning his attention to the Deputy Chief of Staff.

"Okay, because that would make me, you know, Number Two...I'm not sure I'm very comfortable with that connotation."

"Silence! Of everyone in this room, you are the last one that should be speaking to me."

"He gets that a lot," Sam adds helpfully.

"What? What did I do?" Josh turns to ask Sam, before looking back at at Q. "I'm just saying, I'd rather not be known as Number Two."

"You'll be known as what I call you," Q answers. "I have half a mind to send you to some hellish world where there actually are a hundred...wait..." he trails off, the wheels of his super-being brain turning quickly.

A smirky smile forms across Q's face. "I have an even better plan for you," his eyes sweep over the oval office. "For all of you, with your dull and plodding 'take from the rich and give to the poor', liberal, democratic rhetoric," he spits out, full of disdain.

"Is there a point to this? Because I sure don't see one and we're actually trying to run a country here, Dr. Who," Toby answers gruffly, his voice taking on a loud pitch at the end.

"Ohhh, does somebody need a big hug?" Q asks as Toby takes a step back. "No? Well, I guess that isn't the point either. You and your merry band of liberal nincompoops are going on a little adventure while the president, Leo, and I discuss my flag burning numbers."

"And you," Q turns his attention back to Josh, his eyes becoming mere slits and his voice dripping with loathe. "She stopped sleeping with me because of you and what do you do? Completely ignore her while she's in DC, so you can pine away for your assistant. Well, if you want the fair Donnatella Moss so badly, you can go get her."

"Now wait a minute, you leave Donna..." Josh starts, before vanishing from the room, but not before a dark green feathered cap materializes on top of his unruly hair.

"Wait! What about Josh and Donna?!" CJ asks before she too disolves from the oval office, bow and arrow in hand.

Sam, lute in his arms, a surprised O forming on his lips and Toby, suddenly sporting a red feathered cap of his own, disappear next in a quick flash -- leaving Leo and the President alone with the strange creature known as Al 'Q.' Kiefer.

***

TWO MINUTES LATER

(Early 13th Century, Sherwood Forest):

Opening his eyes and looking around hesitantly, Josh takes in the thick forest surrounding him, then glances down to view his legs, strangely covered in dark green girly tights.

"What kind of a stupid-ass outfit am I wearing?"

Looking around in his confusion, he hears the others nearby before he can actually see them.

"Oh boy," he mutters to himself, before taking off in the direction of his friends' disoriented voices. He finds them seconds later, gathered in a clearing -- mouths open in disbelief.

"Hey, Josh...or should I say...Robin?" Sam grins, clearly amused by their predicament.

"Okay, what just happened here?" CJ asks, stepping closer to the group, from her original position by a nearby tree.

"Well," Sam starts. "Judging from Kiefer's remark about taking from the rich and giving to the poor, my guess is that we're in some sort of Robin Hood fantasy."

"I can assure you, I've never had a Robin Hood fantasy, I mean look at me, I'm wearing...tights!" Josh whines, looking down at his legs.

"Hmmm, okay, so who am I then?" CJ asks curiously, ignoring Josh's outburst.

"You," Sam pauses to examine her appearance, "are Little John."

"Little John?" Josh smirks, breaking into a mocking laughter.

"Actually, Little John is a misnomer. He was quite tall actually, a great bowsman.."

CJ clears her throat loudly at Sam.

"Sorry, a great bowsperson, very strong and intelligent -- typically seen as Robin's right-hand ma..ahh, person. Right-hand person."

"So which one are you?" Asks a new, clearly irritated voice.

All eyes turn to see the White House Communications directory Toby Ziegler, standing before them in a bright red ensemble, complete with feathered cap.

"Nice pimp hat, Toby," Josh snickers.

"And I can't help but notice you have one just like it -- Robin," Toby pronounces the last word in an exaggerated fashion.

"Well, at least mine isn't red.."

Sam clears his voice. "Okay, here's what I think. I'm Allan'a'Dale, a lute player," he plucks his instrument for emphasis, "and local bard. You," he motions to Toby, "are clearly Will Scarlett."

"This is insane! We actually have work to do and instead we're...wherever the hell here is."

"Toby, this is incredible...we were in the Oval Office and now, suddenly, we appear to be in the Middle Ages. I mean, don't you think we should make the most of it? How many people have experienced something like this?" Sam asks excitedly.

"So where is here, actually?"

"Well, CJ, if my memory of Robin Hood is correct, we're in the beginning of the 13th century, right around 1200 or so, give or take a decade, and this," Sam swings his arms around for emphasis, "is Sherwood Forest."

"I am not a merry man," Toby states slowly, before adding, "I will not play the fool for Al Kiefer's amusement!"

As each member of the senior staff begins to investigate their new environs, the far-off noise of a horse galloping can be heard. It gets closer and closer until a stream of white light appears and a horse materializes before them, Lord John Marbury atop it's saddle.

"You have got to be kidding me," Toby mutters under his breath.

"Greetings! Allow me to present myself, I am Lord John Mar...I mean, the High Sheriff of Nottingham, I was summoned here by Q to explain your situation."

"Well, this should be amusing," smirks Josh from his position by a tree, where he stands straightly, his back flat against the the bark.

"And Q is Al Kiefer, right?" CJ asks.

"Yes, I believe you do know him under that name as well," answers Marbury, with a wave of his hand. "He has given this little fantasy a life of it's own, we have no idea how it will turn out, it's quite fascinating, actually."

"So, what, exactly are we doing here, Sheriff Marbury?" Toby asks brusquly.

"Hmm, Sheriff Marbury, I like it. I see you're woefully ignorant of the legend you find yourselves now playing out -- quite unsurprising given the American educational system, really, but anyway, what is it that Robin Hood is famous for?"

"Taking from the rich and giving to the poor," answers Sam, clearly pleased with himself.

"Yes, but besides that," Marbury replies impatiently.

"Oh, ummm...the rescue of Maid Marian from Nottingham Castle?"

"Yes, exactly," he agrees .

"Donna...Donna is Maid Marian, isn't she?" Josh asks, concern flooding his voice, as he moves closer to the others.

"Yes, the bewitching and lovely Donnatella Moss is currently a prisoner of Sir Guy of Gisborne, in Nottingham castle where she will be executed tomorrow unless she agrees to marry him."

"Executed?!" CJ, Toby, and Sam cry out while Josh repeats, "Marry him?".

"So we have to go rescue her?" Toby asks a second later, clearly annoyed by this development.

"Ahh, no, not at all. You may stay here and do nothing at all -- the whole thing will end tomorrow at 12:30 but be aware of the consequences of your inaction..." Noting the confusion from his audience he continues with a sigh. "Your inaction would cause the fair maiden to be put to death tomorrow at noon."

"No, we're going to rescue her!" Josh assures the group, then noticing the curious glances he adds, "because, I mean, how would I function without her there to keep me in line, you know, like the helpful and platonic assistant she is?"

"Stop talking now," CJ says to Josh before turning back to Marbury. "So, we head to Nottingham to get Donna?"

"Yes, I really must recommend that option. The castle is absolutely delightful, lots of mead and wenches. I'm quite enjoying myself here," Marbury agrees, taking a deep breath of air, in appreciation of his surroundings. "Well, I've delivered my message, I'm off." He tips his hat in the direction of the senior staff. "Good luck to you on your journey -- perhaps you will join me for a drink later?"

He disappears as quickly as he materialized in front of them.

"Great, so now we're going on a rescue mission?"

"What do you suggest, Toby? That we leave her there?"

"No, but I'm starting to wonder why Kiefer made such a point to set you and your assistant up as a romantic pair. What exactly is going on with you and Donna, Josh? And I'm not too excited by the prospect of following Lord Fauntleroy there on some wild goose chase of a fantasy, master-minded by satan's cigarette boy."

"Look, if you guys don't want to go that's fine, I can do it myself," Josh mutters angrily, glaring specifically at Toby.

"Sure, like the way you..."

"Hey you two...idiots -- fighting is getting us nowhere. We're still stuck here and Donna's still in trouble," CJ interrupts. "And I for one, am going to go help her. You two putzes can stay here and argue if you want. Sam?"

"Right behind you Little John," he says with a smile. "Besides, the idea of rescuing a damsel in distress is kind of exciting."

"Oh for god's sake," Toby sighs loudly before continuing. "You're going to try and reform some Medieval wenches while we're here, aren't you?"

***

"I just...I didn't expect the walls to be so high," Josh states, looking straight up the side of the castle.

"I thought you were an outdoorsman?" CJ smirks.

"Yeah, well, I am, just not a Medieval outdoorsman, okay?"

"Look, here's a rope," Sam examines the long cord hanging down against the wall. "Hmmm, it's almost as if someone left it here for us."

"Fine, Sam why don't you hop on up there."

"Wait! I'm rescuing Donna, Toby. Me. Not Sam. Me."

"Well, go rescue her then, far be it from me to hinder your chivalrous gestures."

CJ starts laughing loudly as her three companions turn to look at her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it just, Josh -- chivalrous..." she disolves again in fit of chuckles.

"What? I'm chivalrous! I am," looking around at the unconvinced faces of his friends, he hitches his tights up and looks up one last time.

"I am," Josh states defiantly, looking up the wall again. "Right now, here I go to rescue Donna -- because that's what men do in 1201 or whatever year it is...because I'm chivalrous."

After a quick sigh, he grasps the thick rope between his hands and starts hoisting himself up, inch by inch, climbing the distance between the ground and his lovely assistant.

He's about twenty feet up when he hears voices below him, looking down briefly, Josh notices a new figure below.

Hanging silently, he strains to hear what's being said.

"...really should come inside. There's mead, some lovely mutton, even a few lute players," John Marbury, the High Sheriff of Nottingham says to the senior staff surrounding him.

"Really? I had a lute," Sam answers wistfully. "Toby broke it on the way to the castle."

"That's because you wouldn't shut up with that damn plucking," Toby scowls.

Sam points to Toby and leans into Sheriff Marbury to whisper, "he's not a merry man."

"Ahh, you must join us then, maybe even get a lute lesson inside."

"I could do that?" Sam asks.

Of course," Mabury answers. "And I'm sure we could find something entertaining for our slightly less aimable friend here, too," he says with a glance in Toby's direction.

"But, Sam, remember, the other thing?" He hears CJ ask leadingly.

"What other thing?"

"Oh for..." Toby starts, then continues in a louder voice. "Josh. She's talking about Josh rescuing Donna. You know, swinging chivalrously about twenty-five feet above our heads."

"Oh crap," Josh mutters from his location on the wall.

"Oh yes, excellent," Marbury looks up and makes eye contact with Josh. "I see you found the rope?"

"Ummm, yeah?" Josh shouts down, abandoning his stealth tactic for a new one of helpless confusion.

"Wonderful, just twenty more feet and you should be right under her window. Carry on...Robin! And you all," he regards Toby, CJ, and Sam. "You must come inside for some mead. Oh and did I mention the wenches? This way."

They all follow him in without even a parting glance to Josh.

"Okay, that made exactly no sense," he says against the wall, as he continues to climb, "crazy, British loon..'come in for some mead'...'oh there's lute playing and wenches'," he continues to mock in a mimicking British accent.

"Why the hell am I climbing up a damn rope if they're all walking in through the front door?"

"What the hell is that about?" He poses another question to himself.

"Stupid Middle Ages."

As he struggles up the last few feet, he feels an overwhelming urge to see Donna's face. He can't imagine he's gone as long as he has without talking to her and he finds a new resolve and strength to hoist himself up and onto the ledge.

Tentatively he opens the window and peers in.

***

"Who's there? Josh?" Suddenly there's a hand on his arm, helping him in. "Oh my god, Josh! I'm so glad to see you," she throws her arms around his waist.

"Donna, are you okay?" He asks, hugging her back.

"Yeah, it's just...where am I? What's going on? They keep talking about my execution if I don't marry this weird guy that kind of looks like Oliver Babish and they keep calling me Marian and something about Rob..."

She steps back out of his arms and takes in his appearance, as he examines hers.

Donna's dressed for the times, in a long pink flowing gown, her hair pulled back in a braid. Her skin looks slightly flushed and he watches as her face registers surprise and then realization. He finds himself thinking she' so beautiful and that he really wants nothing more than to kiss her, maybe pull the gown back from where it swells slightly from her breasts...

"You're Robin Hood," she interrupts him from his musings.

"What? Ahhh, yes, yes I am...see, I have tights," Josh confirms, slightly flustered -- and a long tunic, which is very strategic right now, he adds silently.

"Nice legs," she smiles.

"Donna!"

"I'm just saying."

"Okay, well, I'm here to save you so.."

"Great, what's the plan?" She asks, relief flooding her voice.

"Well, ahh, I don't really have one..."

"What?"

"Yeah, I mean, well, CJ, Toby, and Sam were here but Sheriff Marbury took them for mead and wenches and so now, well, it's just me."

"Just you?"

"Yeah," he grins.

"Josh! There are guards here! They have weapons!"

"Donna, it's just some dumb-ass trick of Al Kiefer's. Oh yeah, he's calling himself 'Q' now, whatever that's about. He did this whole thing with lights and effects -- all we really needed was some Pink Floyd," he snickers. "And anyway, I think I can handle the stunning military wonder that is Medieval England, I mean c'mon.." he smirks.

"That's your plan? A condescending attitude?" She asks incredulously.

"Well, yeah."

"Josh! Okay, so just to recap, there actually is no plan to get us out of here," she pauses, throwing him a glare, "or are you keeping it a secret?"

"Oh, well aren't you just the funny one."

Before she can respond the door flings open and in walks Marbury, carrying a large tray.

"Ahh, I see you've made it to Maid Marian. Wonderful, we're right on schedule."

"Lord Marbury," Donna says, throwing a side glance to Josh, "remember me? Donna Moss? I think there's been some mistake, you see, apparently, we're in Medieval England and.."

"No, no...no mistake, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. And you should address me as," he leans closer to her and whispers, "the High Sheriff of Nottingham."

Donna makes a little huff and steps back towards Josh.

"Oh, nothing to be afraid of my dear, well, at least not until noon tomorrow," he stops to put a tray down. "I've brought you two some dinner...and mead. You must try it, it's excellent."

With that, he turns and locks the heavy door behind him.

"Unbelievable," Donna remarks, as she looks from the jug and roasted meat on the table and back to Josh, in his feathered cap and girly tights, a silly grin plastered on his face.

***

End Part 1


	2. Bad Q Rising 2

 

Title: Bad Q Rising  
Author: Bramble  
Part II

***

She reaches for the jug, refilling both of their mugs. "So this is some weird, alternative universe fantasy, master-minded by Q. Kiefer and the whole thing ends tomorrow at 12:30?" She asks as he nods. "Oh yeah, and Toby is dressed like a pimp?"

"Yep, all he needs is a big caddy..." Josh laughs, taking another big gulp of his mead, before setting his cup down on the floor, next to his earlier-discarded feather cap. "Hey, you know, that crazy bastard is right, this is pretty good. What the hell is mead anyway?"

"Fermented honey and water," she answers, grinning back at him.

"Mmmmm.." Josh replies, leaning back on the floor and shutting his eyes.

When he opens them again, she's peeling the front of her dress down, exposing a thin, white cotton material.

"Donnatella, what's happening here?" he asks, turning over and propping up on his elbow to watch her.

"Don't get all excited, Josh. This dress is damn uncomfortable and I appear to have some sort of slip underneath so..." she struggles with the back of the dress, sighing loudly when she can't get it undone. "So if I could just get it off me, I might be a bit more comfortable."

"C'mere, let me help," he sits up and motions for her to move in front of her.

"Okay," she answers shyly before coming over to him and turning around on her knees.

"It's just got these weird little closures down here," he says into her neck as he starts to undo them.

"Hmmm..." she closes her eyes and leans into his hands a little.

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"Umm, okay, you're all undone."

"Thanks," she says as she moves away from him and pulls the pink shift off. "Much better," she sighs.

"Uh-huh," Josh answers trying to avert his eyes from the thin, slip-like covering, an item which, much to his delight, he can practically see through aided by the light coming from the candle on the table.

"So," he says, trying to fill up the silence, "tell me what you know about life eight-hundred years ago?"

"Eight-hundred years ago from now or right now, being eight-hundred years ago from when..."

"Right now, the 13th century," he confirms, rolling his eyes good-naturedly.

"Ahhh...well," she pauses to look around, "I imagine it's a lot like this."

He smiles. "Okay -- that was helpful. One thing that I've noticed is that the floor is very hard."

"Well, yes," she agrees, "it's not exactly wall-to-wall carpeting is it?"

He glances towards a bed looking structure over against the wall. "Is that functional?"

"I think, wanna give it a spin?" Realizing the connotation of her words she starts to blush a little. "I mean, just to sit on and get off the floor..."

"Yeah," he takes her hand and pulls her over to the bed.

"I think this is straw under some sort of a linen covering," she states, looking at the fabric beneath them intently.

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"I"m sorry I don't have a better plan to get us out of here."

"Josh, it's okay, we'll think of something."

"Yeah, but, I'm not very chivalrous, am I?"

She studies him for a moment. "You climbed up a castle wall to rescue me...that's very chivalrous."

"Yeah, it is, isn't it," he agrees happily. "And you know what else I just realized?"

"What?"

"Doesn't the rescuer usually get a kiss for, you know, doing the rescuing?"

"Yes, I think that's usually how it works," she answers. "But, I mean, and I hate to point out the obvious but, you haven't actually rescued me yet."

"Ahhh...details, I'm looking at the bigger picture, Donna," he smiles, as he leans in closer to her.

"The bigger picture, huh?"

"Yeah," he answers, before his lips hit hers. She makes a little moan against his mouth before deepening the kiss, as his arms circle around her, pulling her close.

As they pull apart, they stare at each other, both trying to get a feel for what just happened and what it means.

"What are you thinking?" he asks, stroking a piece of hair back behind her ear.

"I'm thinking I feel a little tawdry," she replies with a shy smile.

"Tawdry?" He grins back.

"Yeah, apparently, they aren't big on underwear in the Middle Ages."

"Really?" he asks, his eyes traveling down her body, and resting on the area right above her lower thighs, where her slip ends and her bare skin starts.

"Josh!"

"What? You said it..."

"I was just making post-kiss conversation."

"Okay, but that's pretty leading post-kiss conversation."

"I wasn't necessarily leading you there..."

"Okay," he responds, slightly disappointed.

"But I mean, nevermind...do you have underwear on?"

"I'm not sure, ahhh..you want me to check?"

"Yeah," she smiles.

"Okay," he lifts his tunic up and pulls the tights away from his body to peer down. "Nope, no underwear for me either."

"Interesting," she replies, a blush spreading across her cheeks. "You know, in a strictly historical, factual kind of way."

"Yeah, because those are the kinds of day-to-day details that are truly important."

"So what did Joey say the other night?" Donna asks, trying to change the subject and get them back into more appropriate territory.

"What?" He asks, a little shocked.

"About the polling numbers, what did she say?"

"Oh, ahh, that we should dial it up -- that we aren't getting the message out there loud enough, and that...um...you like me," he adds quickly at the end, trying to meet her eyes to gauge her reaction.

She looks at him for a second, before bringing her hand up to her mouth.

"She said that the reason that you wanted me to ask her out was because you liked me and you were afraid it was starting to show. So, I'm just sitting here, without underwear, in the 13th century, a little tipsy from the mead, and I'm wondering if it's true."

"Yes," she says quietly.

"Yes?"

"Yes, I like you," she pauses, then feels the need to clarify. "Like that. I like you like that."

"In a Maid Marian-Robin Hood sort of way?" He asks playfully.

"No, in a Donna Moss-Josh Lyman sort of way," she answers, before kissing him again.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?" He asks, pulling away from her lips.

"Don't you have something to say to me?"

"About what?"

"Josh, I just told you that I have feelings for..."

"Donna," he starts taking her hand in his and kissing it before he continues speaking. "And I'm only admitting this as part of the whole chivalry thing that I have going on but," he pauses to grin slightly at her smirk. "I...I love you."

"Oh, Josh, you're drunk, aren't you?"

"It's mead Donna, fermented honey -- I doubt that could actually get anyone drunk."

She smiles at him and runs her fingertips along his cheek. "You love me, huh?"

"Yes," he answers honestly, "I do."

"Okay then," she replies, sinking her mouth down on his, her hands tugging his leather vest off of his shoulders, as his fingers grasp her firmly around the waist.

"I must admit," she starts, after pulling away from his lips a few minutes later, pausing to glance down the length of his body. "I am liking this little ensemble you're sporting."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, it's sexy. You look all swashbuckling-like."

"Swashbuckling-like?" He grins at her, his dimples making an appearance.

"Yeah."

"Hey Donna? Wanna see what I can do with my sword?"

"Okay," she giggles, pulling him down on top of her.

***

Much later, she snuggles against him, as he makes a contented noise.

"You should go," Donna suddenly states, breaking the silence of the room.

"What?"

"Well, it's part of my new plan. I've been thinking, you said this ends tomorrow at 12:30 no matter what. So, I'll just tell Sir Guy that I'll marry him and half an hour later...we're back home."

"Yeah but what if," he looks at her, before shaking his head. "No way, I'm not leaving you."

"Josh, I appreciate the chivalry and all but it's the only way out of this mess," she states, looking over at the window, "you just need to climb back down the rope and..."

"I'm not leaving you here, Donna."

Just then the door flies open and in steps Q, dressed in a costume similar to what Lord John Marbury was wearing earlier.

"Oh, well, isn't this ironic," he says, looking a Josh before adding, "I see we'll be having two executions."

"Wait! Uhhh," Donna clutches the bed covering tighter around her chest. "There doesn't have to be any executions, because, I've decided that, ummm, I'll marry Sir Guy."

Josh sighs beside Donna before rubbing his forehead with his hand, as Q produces a boisterous laugh.

"Oh, I think it's a little late to accept Sir Guy's offer of marriage now, maid Marian," he responds, shaking his head in amusement. "This isn't DC in the 20th century anymore and I'm afraid due to your wanton display here, you're of no value to anyone now -- instead choosing to allow yourself to be defiled by a common...thief."

"Hey!" Josh protests as Donna answers simultaneously with, "No value? Excuse me?" she starts, before Q interrupts her..

"And you," he turns to Josh, snickering." The great Joshua Lyman, brought down...by a woman. The president's pitbull -- reduced by love, to a weak and powerless man."

"Love has not made him weak," Donna responds heatedly. "Love has brought out his best qualities, his nobility, his caring, -- love has made him more of a man than you'll ever be, Q. Kiefer"

"It's just Q, don't you people listen? And yes, I'm eternally grateful about that the fact that I am no longer a whining, mewling human. And when I say eternally grateful, I mean eternally. You two on the other hand...enjoy the precious hours you have left and don't bother trying to escape the way your came in, as your rope is gone," with that, he slams the door behind him.

"Okay, I definitely liked Sheriff Marbury better," Josh mutters.

"So, I have no value just because I'm not a virgin?" Donna snorts, rolling her eyes and giving Josh a disgruntled poke.

"What? I didn't say that! That was him!"

"Yeah, but you're a guy and my 'defiler.'"

"But I didn't defile you. That little bit of Medieval realism was left out of this fantasy..."

She pauses to look at him, her eyes getting wide. "Are you disappointed about that?"

"What? That Maid Marian wasn't...a maid?"

"Yeah, that I wasn't...I mean while being Maid Marian," she asks, examining his face closely.

"No, of course not. Donna," his voice softens. "How could you even think that?"

"I wouldn't but you sounded disappointed earlier when you mentioned it and besides just because she might have dated..."

"Some local gomers?" he interjects with a smile.

"Some local gomers," she adds, "it doesn't mean she slept with all of them," she stops to look at Josh before adding, "especially when she was in love with Robin."

"Marian is in love with Robin?" He asks, grinning.

"Yes, I'm in love with you, you idiot," says, pausing to kiss him. "Besides, I doubt Robin Hood was exactly saving himself for her."

"Yeah, trust me when I say that he was pretty popular with the ladies in his day."

"In his day, I'm not sure that's something he should be bragging about."

"Right. He enjoyed a great popularity with the ladies but showed excellent judgement and reserve in bestowing his affections upon only the most deserving."

She looks at him expectantly before he adds, "Except for Mandy, that was a mistake," he nods before continuing. "And then he found the most deserving woman of all -- a wonderful woman he clearly didn't deserve but who loved him anyway."

"Okay, just so we're clear on all of that," she replies, giving him a quick kiss.

She resumes her earlier position, snuggled against him as he absent-mindedly strokes her shoulder.

"Well, now what?"

"Okay -- CJ, Sam, and Toby are still here, maybe they already have something worked out?"

She considers this before stating, "Well, we're dead."

"So much for the dreamy afterglow," Josh answers, looking at the floor.

***

NOON, THE NEXT DAY:

All eyes follow the condemned as they're led out through the courtyard -- a make-shift stage erected and an executioner in wait.

"I can't believe you didn't have a plan," Donna mutters as she's pushed onto the stage, Josh right behind her whining. "Oh, so now, it's my fault? It seems to me your plan didn't work either."

"Believe me, if I could do it over again, my plan would have worked."

"Really?" He stops to look at her questioningly.

"No," she answers softly. "I'm glad my plan didn't work." She gives a weak smile before being pushed around, to face the mass of peasants and townsfolk.

From the audience, a group of three red-hooded monks oversee the progression of events.

One by one they slowly undrape their heads.

Sam, Toby, and CJ look at each other, exchanging nods.

"We need a diversion," Toby mutters, as Lord John Marbury stumbles into the clearing, mead mug raised high.

"Sheriff Marbury!" The crowd yells as he raises his mug higher.

"Now!" Toby swings into action, punching a guard in the face as Sam and CJ begin fighting their way to the stage.

Josh pushes Donna to the side, before hurling himself at the executioner, knocking him off the stage.

"Not so fast," an unfamiliar voice cries out, as Josh feels the steely tip poke against the back of his neck.

"Turn around, slowly," the voice commands.

He does, so that he's face to face with Sir Guy of Gisborne, who does indeed look strangely similar to Chief White House Counsel Oliver Babish.

"Robin Hood, it seems we have some unfinished business."

"I'm not Robin Hood, I'm Joshua Lyman and I'm sick of this," he shouts, looking around. "Do you hear me Q. Kiefer? Sick of this! It's over!"

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that Josh. Don't worry, you'll be dead soon," Q replies from the ground, before CJ breaks a jug over his head.

"Hey Guy Babish, over here!"

He turns his head without lowering his sword from Josh's heart, as Donna steps forward, her own sword in hand.

"Marian?" the rotund leader proclaims, clearly confused.

"The name's Donna, Donnatella Moss." She raises her sword, giving a little flick of her wrist for emphasis. "Drop the sword, Sir Guy."

"Oh, I don't think so. I think I'll kill Robin first so you can watch, then you'll join him, Maid Marian."

"Again, don't think so," she shouts, lunging forward, causing him to block her move, taking the weapon off of Josh.

They all watch with baited breath as Donna and Sir Guy battle, Donna clearly holding her own against her opponent.

"Donna!" Josh calls out, "I didn't know you could...I mean, how do you know how to do this?"

"Two semester's of fencing classes at Madison," she answers breathlessly, backing Sir Guy up a set of stairs.

"Wow," Sam says, coming up next to Josh. "She's really good."

"She really is," he agrees.

Finally, at the very top of the stairs, she twirls her wrist and manages to fling Sir Guy's sword out of his hands.

She makes her way down to Josh as he takes her in his arms in a big hug.

"So," she asks, pulling back from him. "Seeing that I just rescued you I think I'd like to collect my reward kiss."

He smiles by way of response before their lips meet and he tightens his arms around him, as she lowers a hand and gives Josh a little pat on the butt.

"Now, I want to go home!" She proclaims loudly, after pulling reluctantly away from Josh.

"And so you shall, Miss Moss," relies a crisp British accent.

All eyes turn to the middle of the audience where four new figures stand.

President Bartlet, Leo McGarry, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, and Will Riker.

"It's over Q!" Picard bellows.

"Hey," Josh mutters to Sam, "I said that first."

"Jean-Luc," Q answers walking closer to the Starfleet captain and regarding him with slitted eyes.

"Mr. President," CJ starts, "how do you..."

"Oh, Captain Picard and I have met before. Remember the Galileo satelite? Well, it seems that development was necessary for Earth to develop warp drive capabilities in the future, so he and Commander Riker came to assist us."

"Yeah," Leo agrees, "but now, I really think it's time we got back, Mr. President."

"Oh yes, I suppose, although I find Medieval history fascinating, it's too bad..."

Leo gives a nod to Captain Picard as he hits his communicator, "Chief O'Brian, please beam our friends back to the White House."

"Aye, Sir," comes a reply.

"Why, I remember a book I read about Saint Thomas Aquinas..." continues the president.

"Now, Chief O'Brian," the Captain requests more urgently, as Josh, Donna, Sam, CJ, Toby, Lord John Marbury, Oliver Babish, Leo, and the President disappear from Nottingham castle.

***

Josh blinks and opens his eyes, looking right at President Bartlet.

"Ahhh.." he starts, turning his head to see the other members of the senior staff.

"Josh, I agree, that sounds like a perfect plan."

"Sir?" Josh asks, clearly confused.

"Dialing it up, Josh," President Bartlet smiles before adding, "make it so."

***

"Whoa!"

I lift my head with a start and it takes me a minute to recognize my condo.

"Josh?"

I turn to see Donna, sprawled out on the floor next to me, her head resting against my shoulder, file folders and reports strewn around us haphazardly, an empty pizza box by my feet.

"Ahhh, wow." I say, still trying to discern if I'm really back at my place and not quite trusting that the head of Al Kiefer isn't going to pop out of my wall suddenly.

"I think we fell asleep."

"Yeah," I agree.

"Are you okay, you seem kind of freaked out." She sits up, examining me closely, before bringing a cool head to my cheek. "Do you feel okay?"

"I just I think I had a nightmare."

"About Rosslyn?" She asks, reaching for my hand.

"Ahh, no, it was just weird. Not really a nightmare..." I trail off, remembering Sherwood Forest, Donna in her pink dress, the mead, then helping Donna out of her pink dress -- how she moved on top of me. I clear my throat.

I need to stop thinking about those details right now.

"You don't know how to fence, do you?"

"Fence? You mean like sword fighting?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I took a few classes in college," she answers, turning her attention to the TV. "Oh look, it's still on."

"What's on?" I ask distractedly, trying to figure out if Donna really knowing how to fence proves anything.

"The Star Trek marathon," we both watch as Q walks across the screen, involved in a heated discussion with Captain Picard.

"Hey, you don't think he looks like Al Kiefer, do you?"

"Hmmm..." she considers, "maybe a little bit. He looks more like that guy who use to be on that soap opera though."

"Eugene from Days of our Lives?"

"Uh huh and you try to tell me you've never watched soap operas, Josh" she teases.

"What? I don't. I remember you mentioning that once," I say as she gets up from the floor.

"I'm gonna..." she points towards my bathroom. "We should try to finish this up because it's late, I need to get home." She accents this with a yawn and a stretch that causes her t-shirt to ride up a bit, displaying a small section of flat, alabaster midriff.

"Ummm, what time is it?"

She looks at her watch. "2:00 AM."

"Just stay here," I blurt out.

"That's okay, I'll be fine getting home."

"I know," I agree. "You would be fine but it's late and you're tired and you should just stay here," I repeat, trying to sound sensible.

She looks at me and I think I see a small flicker of something in her face before she gives me an amazing smile and agrees to sleep over.

Once she's out of the room I rest my head against a hand and try to make sense of that incredibly messed-up dream. What in the hell brought that on? I mean, I was wearing tights! Toby as Will Scarlett. Sam and CJ...Lord John as the Sheriff? I snort in amusement.

Next time I'll listen to Donna and we'll get a full veggie pizza instead of one with half sausage and pepperoni for me and half mushrooms and peppers for her.

It was just a crazy-ass dream brought on by an unhealthy dinner decision, I think, patting my stomach reassuringly.

I shift my weight a bit and become aware of something under my leg, a lump of some sort. I reach down to pull it out.

Huh...It feels kind of weird and there's something sticking out of it.

My mouth drops open as I stare down at the item in my hand.

It's my green feathered cap.

"Donna!"

***

The End.


End file.
